Rabat – A study from the University of Michigan shows that the likelihood of contracting a disease is up to 35% for people in an unhappy marriage. Meanwhile, for happy couples, their average lifespan increases by four to eight years.
Unhappy couples suffer from stress and chronic fatigue – both physically and emotionally – exposing them to heart problems, increased blood pressure, and other psychological problems such as depression.
Gottman Love Lab
In the 1980s, the psychologists Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman created a lab to study the interaction of couples in a scientific context. The couples lived under observation for the duration of the experiment. All their conversations, interactions, gestures, and behaviors were translated into psychological data. The study aimed to understand how a relationship can succeed or fail.
They investigated each couples’ tone of voice, choice of words, posture, and heart rate. The study followed couples for more than 20 years.
What makes a marriage succeed or fail
The study identified patterns nicknamed the “Four Horsemen” of communication patterns that may destroy a relationship: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
Criticism: The attack of the person rather than addressing the specific behavior.
Contempt: According to Gottam, the most dangerous factor that can easily break a relationship. It includes sarcasm, mockery, or speaking with superiority.
Defensiveness: When verbal attacks between the two are unrelenting, escalating the conflicts and blocking understanding.
Stonewalling: A psychological state where a person is blocked emotionally and refuses communication with a partner.
The science of the “calm” for successful relationships
The study analyzed physiological measurements like heart rate, blood pressure, sweat levels, and blood flow. When a conflict starts between a couple, their stress levels get higher which puts them in fighting mode and directly leads to blocking communication. Emotionally regulated couples are more likely to stay together even after conflicts.
To re-establish the connection between couples, the study shows that “repair attempts,” like physical touch or jokes can interrupt escalating negative conflict.
One of the most significant concepts in the study is the “bids for connection.” They are patterns used to seek attention, affection, or support. These bids are essential for a relationship to succeed but, the most important is the response to these connection clues. If cues are read by a partner and received by the other, 86% of couples were found to reconcile.
Couples received a scientific evaluation of their relationship in which they predicted the success or the failure of the marriage: 90% of divorce predictions were accurate, proving Gottman’s work as an influential work in relationship science.
